I have battled in my mind about writing this Blog on this topic. What raised the topic for me was the unnecessary and abhorrent death of George Floyd, whose death reignited the #BlackLivesMatter campaign.

The question I kept asking myself is why was it that his death led to millions of protesters across the globe from all races, ages and gender, stood together in support of #BlackLivesMatter. We know, as this image so well reflects, that other people have suffered race biased violence in the USA before, so why did George Floyd’s death lead to this scale of response. What many don’t know is that the Campaign originally started in June 2013.

The same question can be asked of when the #MeToo campaign in 2017 ignited by the Weinstein offences becoming public, when in fact the #MeToo, as a rallying cry against sexual abuse and harassment, was more than a decade old already.

It made me ponder, and I don’t have all the answers, and I don’t think I ever will, what factors need to coalesce to create a Turning Point in a person or society.  In fact, what will it take to be the turning point to reduce femicide in SA? When is enough is enough, what needs to happen before change for the good occurs and why has it happened now post the death of George Floyd? (trusting positive change will come from it)

So what are the factors that coalesced to this response and the response to Harvey Weinstein’s sexual harassment? Was this because of President Trump’s leadership style or past leadership apathy to deal with it, or has our heightened humanity as a result of Covid-19 pandemic provided wisdom and comprehension of how fragile, interconnected and precious life is or is there finally a dawning and a cultural shift that realizes that all lives matter equally, that your sexual orientation cannot be a basis for discrimination and that women must be treated with equal respect that men have demanded for centuries?

As I said above, I do not have the answers to why now? What I do know is that respect for others, love of self and acknowledgement of human dignity for ALL are essential values to live by for us to not have a need for # campaigns in support of our humanity. 

Turning Points lead to change

Just as society reaches a turning point, a business will reach a turning point where approaches and strategies need to change to survive and grow. Equally too, people for various reasons will reach a turning point, some research shows approximately every 10 years in our life.

Normally turning points lead to change. Richard Branson stated that “Life is all about turning points. Some people don’t embrace them, because they fear change – but over more than 40 years in business, I’ve learned to see shifts in success and forks in the road as huge opportunities. Turning points, while they often come from moments of darkness, can steer us in the direction of great light… or lightbulb moments.” I think this is true and so I wonder do we need a crisis to reach a turning point or are there warning signs that a turning point is about to be reached.

Many of us have said that the Covid-19 pandemic is a crisis and will be a turning point in life as we knew it. Commerce, technology, schooling, the way we learn, and work will shift. 

Churchill stated, “never waste a crisis.” This is a truism and is really is no different in our personal lives. A turning point can break us open, but from that can bloom a beautiful flower, much like we see growing through cracks in dry gravel roads.

Personal Turning Points

Some of us approach turning points in a positive manner, albeit with some trepidation. We embrace it and we find our way through it. Some don’t. Either way a turning point or finding ourselves at a crossroads, is difficult to traverse. There is not a one-size fits all approach to getting through it. In Afrikaans there is word called “gadvol” it means someone is completely fed up and can take no more. Sometimes this is a turning point. Sometimes it is caused by our careers, our relationships or our own self growth that leads us to cry out for change. Notwithstanding the cause, what are the signs that you or a loved one may be at a turning point in life?

Anger, rage, bitterness, thoughts of revenge, disappointment and hopelessness are self-destructive indicators that can precipitate a turning point. Outlined below are signs that you or someone close to you may be approaching a turning point in life.

 

Behavioural signs of a Turning Point

Frequent displays of anger

When anger isn’t dealt with, it tends to erupt. The angrier you are and the more you try to ignore it, the more likely you are to explode in an emotional tirade. If you’ve found yourself blowing up frequently, it’s time to take action. 

Hot & Bothered

If your nerves feel on end; the shift in attitude, an expression, something another person says or does bothers you, you could be overstressed, overworked, fatigued, ill or a combination of these. Like anger, when everything starts to bother you, it’s a sure sign you’re reaching your turning point.

Couldn’t Care

Not caring about anything sounds like merely existing. Life is about experiences. If you care about nothing, you’re a hollow shell. As Dr Susan stated in her TedTalk “Only dead people never get unwanted or inconvenienced by their feelings. Only dead people never get stressed, never get broken hearts, never experience the disappointment that comes with failure. Tough emotions are part of our contract with life.”  

Bored with it all

Similarly, to the above, when past enjoyments don’t stir any desire to participate, you know you’re close to the edge. This is a red-light warning to take seriously. 

Isolation

Self-imposed isolation is a key indicator that something’s wrong. When you shy away from being with others, especially close friends, you’re hiding more than just your physical presence. 

Difficult close relationships 

Those who know you best and care for you most are likely the first ones to recognise you’re reaching a turning point. You can’t hide your emotions for too long in their presence. 

Escaping into substances

Sadly, sometimes the quickest way to escape becomes consumption of substances. Alcohol or drugs or both may ease the pain, numb the conscience, blot out the troubles for a while, but it won’t last. The pain and problems will still be there when you sober up. 

Your work suffers

The compounding of all the factors above will be difficult to hide from your work environment for long and before you realize it, your work has suffered too. This could impact your career and your income.

Abandoned goals

When you’ve decided that life isn’t what you expected, determined that you’ll never achieve your dreams or make any difference in the world, you’re at the lowest ebb possible. You find little reason to continue. You may even entertain thoughts of suicide or think about ways to carry out a plan to end your life. This is moving beyond the turning point and I would urge you to urgently seek help. 

Turning points can be tough to work through, it takes courage and resilience. Recognising that you need help to do so is the first step in moving forward and moving towards a better way of living. This is where a Coach or a Psychologist will be able to start assisting you, and always remember that asking for help is a strength and not a weakness. We are not meant to go it alone. 

Dr Tara Brach in her book Radical Acceptance: Awakening the love that heals fear and Shame states, “As we lean into the experience of the moment – releasing our stories and gently holding our pain or our desires – radical acceptance begin to unfold. The two parts of genuine acceptance – seeing clearly and holding our experience with compassion – are as interdependent as the two wings of a great bird. Together they enable us to fly and to be free.”  

A dear friend introduced me to the book by Elizabeth Lesser, Broken Open: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow. I highly recommend reading it, is has provided helpful insights in dealing with turning points in life. 

This quote below from Broken Open best captures both the pain and value of dealing with Turning Points in our lives.

“May you listen to the voice within the beat even when you are tired. When you feel yourself breaking down, may you break open instead. May every experience in life be a door that opens your heart, expands your understanding, and leads you to freedom. If you are weary, may you be aroused by passion and purpose. If you are blameful and bitter, may you be sweetened by hope and humor. If you are frightened, may you be emboldened by a big consciousness far wiser than your fear. If you are lonely, may you find love, may you find friendship. If you are lost, may you understand that we are all lost, and still we are guided by Strange Angels and Sleeping Giants, by our better and kinder natures, by the vibrant voice within the beat. May you follow that voice, for This is the way, the hero’s journey, the life worth living, the reason we are here.”