This Blog was prompted by an early morning coffee we had with a friend recently, he a man of so much courage, in an industry where inordinate courage is now required of Leadership.
We spoke about corporate culture and why it was a certain corporate group did not hold appeal to him and his response was that his exposure to them indicated a culture where anchoring to the CEO’s comments is prevalent and that healthy debate is uncommon. Otherwise known as a bunch of Yes Wo/Men. (I could ramble off at this point about Lencione’s 5 dysfunctions of team, but this Blog is not about that.)
In a recent situation I chose to not disagree so as to keep the peace. Ultimately it ended in a disagreement anyway.
All because at the time I did not act with courage.
If I consider why I did not state my point of view clearly, then I can see that it came from a place of vulnerability for the heated argument which I anticipated may arise.
I am mostly comfortable with conflict; I am happy to tell people where to put it, if I don’t like where they got it at, and yet there have been times when saying less has been the safer route; to protect my feelings of vulnerability. This is not healthy.
Now more than ever the world needs courageous leaders. That means we all need to learn to act with the courage of our conviction. We need to be the change we want to see. How do we teach our children or colleagues courage if we choose not to act with courage ourselves?
Courage is not aggression. Courage is being assertive; these two things are not the same.
Courage is stating what we believe to be true or necessary even when others, and especially others in position of power, disagree. Courage is asking for help when you need it. Courage is calling a friend and asking whether they have a few minutes for you, because you need them to just be there for you. Courage is fighting an illness with tenacity. Courage is rising strong when your heart is in shreds on the ground. Courage is saying No, when the results of saying Yes benefits no one or creates risk. Courage is also saying Yes to Opportunities. Courage is standing up to bullies, especially the adult ones. Courage is speaking our Truth against all the isms, racism, sexism etc. even when that may be around a family dinner-table.
When we feel vulnerable, we armour up. To prevent this, acknowledge what you are feeling, and if needed, make armour a conscious choice, a choice to self-protect, but beware of the risks created when armouring up moves you away from your conviction, beliefs and values. This reminds me of the Ernest Hemingway line where he stated that Courage is Grace under pressure.
To get back to aggression vs. assertiveness, courage is standing up in all the situations stated above, and there are many more, but doing so with self-respect and respect for others. It is so easy to get caught up in an equally improper communication style, but that is moving away from your value system and when we do that it increases our vulnerability and we only armour-up even more and feel worse afterwards and less courageous the next time we need to act with courage.
In that moment which demands courage, I have found what helps me, is to slow down, breathe deeply, place both feet on the ground and lower the tone of my voice. My husband finds this annoying as it is sometimes accompanied with closing my eyes for longer than just a blink (not a behaviour to copy), but when I do that I go to a place of deep calmness and it becomes very clear to me what I will and won’t tolerate in that moment.
Courageous leadership is neither comfortable nor easy.
Brené Brown states there is no Courage without vulnerability. I want to add that there is no Trust without Courage.
A line from a recent movie we watched stuck in my head, “Character is easier kept than recovered”. I think Courage plays an enormous role in shaping our character.
One of my two favourite poets, David Whyte, has this to say about Courage,
“Courage is a word that tempts us to think outwardly, but a look at its linguistic origins leads us in a more interior direction and toward its original template, the old Norman French, Coeur, or heart.
Courage is the measure of our heartfelt participation with life, with another, with a community, a work, a future.
From Readers’ Circle Essay, “Courage”
The other, Maya Angelou stated, “Courage is the most important of all the virtues, because without courage, you can’t practise any of the other virtues consistently.”
May your Courageous Heart and your slow deep breathes help you to Live with Courage.
Lou-Anne Lubbe
Find·Your·Wings
